Money is more than math. It’s trust, transparency, and power all wrapped into one. That’s part of the reason it can feel so intimidating to talk about money with your partner. When couples avoid money conversations, they’re not just dodging spreadsheets; they’re deferring intimacy.
Years ago, I sat across from a very successful couple—she was a high-powered litigator, he was a brilliant product developer. They had plenty of money, obviously, but they hadn’t talked openly about finances in over a year. When I asked about their shared goals, they could only look at each other like strangers.
Over the years, I’ve worked with countless high-achieving couples similar to that one, helping many of them navigate the challenges of dual incomes, equity compensation, and complex estate plans. What I’ve learned is this: Most financial breakdowns in relationships stem not from lack of resources, but lack of structured communication and shared vision.
Let’s start with one of the most powerful tools I recommend: money dates. Think of these as intentional, recurring check-ins—not to air grievances, but to align on shared goals and recalibrate priorities. They’re less about budget line items and more about values.
Here’s how to make them work:
Pick a consistent time. Put it on the calendar either monthly or quarterly, like you would a board meeting.
Start with gratitude. What are you proud of from the past month? Where did money support your values?
Check in on goals. Are you still aligned on your short- and long-term objectives?
Talk about emotional undercurrents. Is anyone feeling financially stretched, unseen, or uncertain?
Assign next steps. Whether it’s adjusting contributions or meeting with an advisor, clarity is key.
A client once told me their money date felt like couples therapy with a spreadsheet. And that’s the point—it’s not about perfection. It’s about connection. Financial intimacy isn’t built in one conversation; it’s built over time through repetition, respect, and vulnerability.
Let’s get something straight: Prenups aren’t a signal you plan to fail. They’re a tool for transparency, clarity, and mutual respect—especially in high-net-worth or blended family scenarios.
Women who’ve built significant assets (or are on the trajectory to do so) deserve to protect what they’ve created. But equally important, prenups force both parties to ask tough questions upfront:
What do we each bring to this relationship financially?
How do we define fairness?
How will we make joint decisions if one of us pauses our career?
Too often, these questions are ignored, and that silence costs couples dearly down the line.
For many of my female clients—especially those who’ve been the primary breadwinners or navigated a divorce—prenups are more than legal protection. They’re about reclaiming agency. I’ve seen women go from anxious and uncertain to clear and confident simply because they got clarity on expectations before things got murky.
Let’s not shy away from the real power conversation. In couples, power often shows up as:
Who makes the big financial decisions?
Who controls the investments?
Who "feels behind" and quietly resents it?
I’ll never forget working with a couple where the wife had quietly built a multi-million-dollar career, but deferred every financial decision to her husband. When we finally surfaced the issue, she admitted: “I didn’t want to seem like I was challenging him.”
Unspoken power dynamics can erode even the strongest relationships. That’s why part of my planning process includes surfacing and addressing these tensions head-on. Power doesn’t have to mean imbalance. With the right process, it can evolve into partnership.
Money is one of the last taboos in relationships—especially for accomplished couples who “should have it all together.” But intimacy and personal finance are both about process, not perfection.
Whether you’re scheduling your first money date, initiating a prenup conversation, or just starting to notice financial imbalance creeping in, remember this: It’s never too early—or too late—to create new financial patterns together.